I used to drive a taxi/cab. Why? I often ask myself that, it was a shitty job, but it got me through 2 years of university, so it served a purpose. I was telling a few stories from those days to a friend recently and it got me thinking that I should write these stories down before I forget them. So I give you the first in a series...
Take me home
It's about 4.30 am outside a niteclub, she jumps in the front passengers seat, she's about 25/26 years old, blonde, about 6foot, looked sober - she wasn't!
I slip the car into drive and head in that direction. We make some small talk, mostly her, punters often do that in the early hours so as to stay awake for the ride. It doesn't always work for them as was the case in hand. Pretty soon she's asleep. Then she starts to lean, not towards the car door, which would have been preferable, but towards me. Soon enough she's resting her head on my left shoulder.
Oh shit, this is so not a good look to anyone driving past us, cabbies get in enough shit as it is, you're always hearing about girls having bad experiences in cabs. What if she wakes up and realises that I haven't moved her from my shoulder, she'll freak out! She has to move.
I try to push her back towards her side of the car, oh please don't wake up whilst I'm pushing you, she isn't going to understand immediately as to why my hand is on her shoulder. I push her upright but she immediately falls back towards me, this time slightly past my shoulder, damn it, soon her head will practically be in my lap!! Yeah, yeah I know, what's the problem?!! Every guys dream right! Sure if I'd picked her up whilst I was out social like, then no biggie, but shit, I'm her cabbie, this isn't good.
I push her back again, this time she sits upright, man this girl deep sleeps. I now have a new problem, we're getting close to Greenwood, she didn't tell me her street or house number.
"Hey, wake up, I need your address"
Nothing, she doesn't even blink.
Double fuck it!!
Then I have a brilliant idea, I'll just grab her drivers licence from her bag, that'll have her address on it. Damn, this is now how many rules of cab driving that I've broken with this fare? I mean now I'm going to go through her purse, I am so screwed if she wakes up. It aint gonna look good.
I move fast, soon enough I have the addy, a quick look in the street directory and we're there. I pull into her driveway. Phew this is ending better than I thought. Now I just have to wake her up.
"Hey, you're home, wake up"
I give her a shake, it takes a while but she finally opens her eyes, she takes a second to comprehend what's happening, she blinks, looks at her house, then turns to me.
"Why did you bring me here?"
"It's your home" I reply
"Yeah but I moved out of here 4 months ago"
"Oh shit" I say to myself quietly. I'm screwed, how am I going to explain that I knew where she used to live, you idiot!!!
I just look at her blankly hoping she'll offer me the solution.
"Okay.... so um where do you live now?" I ask
"A couple of blocks away" is the reply
"Show me the way then"
She does, I get her there, she pays, I can't wait to get the hell out of there. Luckily she was too drunk to quite figure out the confusing aspects of it all but once she sobers up she's gonna be wondering how the hell her cabbie knew where she used to live!!
You can read the other stories in the series so far by clicking the taxi label below